Somewhere in the night there is a light in front of me

And thats nothing but the light from my monitor screen!

I am quite addicted to watching movies on my lappy after everyone's gone bed. I'd watch 2 or 3 movies and wind up by 5 before my Dad wakes up and starts his "what nonsense is this" story.

Ah, I really cant stand his scoldings. I have tried explaining him that i work in the night shift and cant go to bed by night even if its weekend. All in vain though. So thought i'd better avoid the clash.

I watch a broad range of genres. Though i have a special taste for comedy and horror, i predominantly appreciate movies that counts on good story telling and characterization motives. When i think of hollywood firstly its the characters that fill my mind and then comes the movie title or director. There are some characters that have knowingly or unknowingly influenced the very me and the way i look at life. Let me take you through a couple of characters.

Lester Burnham - American Beauty

The moment i say the movie name, i find most of my kith and kin frown their faces, like i just used the most abusive word against them. Ah, watch it dear. This movie literally shook me off. The moment i finished watching the climax, i was asking myself thousand questions at a time. I said, no lets ask one by one and i am not done answering all of them. The best of the stories is what it has for you in the end and this had a book of lesson for me. I admire the story and the story telling.

Why talk on my own. Lets hear Lester's own words (Quote):

"I'd always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all. It stretches on forever, like an ocean of time. For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout Camp, watching falling stars. And yellow leaves from the maple trees that lined our street. Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper. And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand-new Firebird. And Janie... and Janie. And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry, you will someday."

Oscar Schinldler - Schindler's List

Oscar Schindler at one point of time says these words:

“But it’s less. It’s less than what I would pay a Pole. . . . Poles cost more. Why should I hire Poles?”

In the climax when he says these words, tears were flooding my chin. (And i tell you i dont usually cry for movie scenes. This one was really intense):

"This pin. Two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would have given me two for it, at least one. One more person. A person, Stern. For this. I could have gotten one more person…and I didn’t! And I…I didn’t!"

How much could a man change in over a short time? How much could he start to value people more than power? Watch it if you haven't done already!

And for the director, cant believe he brought us this movie the same year he gave Jurassic Park. Bloody genius!!

Andy Dufrense - Shawshank Redemption

First the quote:

Andy Dufresne: If they ever try to trace any of those accounts, they're gonna end up chasing a figment of my imagination.
Red: Well, I'll be damned. Did I say you were good? Shit, you're a Rembrandt!
Andy Dufresne: Yeah. The funny thing is - on the outside, I was an honest man, straight as an arrow. I had to come to prison to be a crook.

And this one:

Andy Dufresne: She was beautiful. God I loved her. I just didn't know how to show it, that's all. I killed her, Red. I didn't pull the trigger, but I drove her away. And that's why she died, because of me.

How many people are as good as Andy Dufrense?

Forrest Gump - Forrest Gump

The movie is all about this character and hence the title. He is everything, funny, stupid, heroic, sporty, loving and lovable. See for yourself!

"Jenny Curran: Do you ever dream, Forrest, about who you're gonna be?
Forrest Gump: Who I'm gonna be?
Jenny Curran: Yeah.
Forrest Gump: Aren't-aren't I going to be me?

"Jenny Curran: Why are you so good to me?
Forrest Gump: You're my girl!
Jenny Curran: [pause] I'll always be your girl.

"Forrest Gump: Will you marry me?
[Jenny turns and looks at him]
Forrest Gump: I'd make a good husband, Jenny.
Jenny Curran: You would, Forrest.
Forrest Gump: But you won't marry me.
Jenny Curran: You don't wanna marry me.
Forrest Gump: Why don't you love me, Jenny? I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is.

Ah, i find it hard to stop with this. One of my all time favorites!!


Travis Bickle - Taxi Driver

Man, he is a character! He has everything, or may be in other words he has nothing to lose.

Quote? Anything better than this??

Travis Bickle: You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talking... you talking to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? OK.


Phill Conners - Groundhog Day

Again someone equally funny and lovable

Phil: I don't deserve someone like you. But If I ever could, I swear I would love you for the rest of my life.

----
Phil: I'm a god.
Rita: You're God?
Phil: I'm a god. I'm not *the* God... I don't think.


The Joker - Batman, the Dark Knight

For once, the villain outplays the hero in characterization:

The Chechen: What do you propose?
The Joker: It's simple. We, uh, kill the Batman.
[mobsters laugh]
Salvatore Maroni: If it's so simple, why haven't you done it already?
The Joker: If you're good at something, never do it for free.

The Joker: [holding a knife inside Gambol's mouth] Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was... a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not-one-bit. So - me watching - he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it! Turns to me, and he says, "why so serious, son?" Comes at me with the knife... "Why so serious?" He sticks the blade in my mouth... "Let's put a smile on that face!" And...
[looks sidelong at Gambol's thug, watching the whole thing in horror]
The Joker: Why so serious?


V - V for Vendetta

One of my favorites when it comes to heroism.

Evey Hammond: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am is a man in a mask.
Evey Hammond: Well I can see that.
V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation, I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.

My favorite sequence:

Creedy: Defiant to the end, huh? You won't cry like him, will you? You're not afraid of death. You're like me.
V: The only thing that you and I have in common, Mr. Creedy, is we're both about to die.
Creedy: How do you imagine that's gonna happen?
V: With my hands around your neck.
Creedy: Bollocks. Whatchya gonna do, huh? We've swept this place. You've got nothing. Nothing but your bloody knives and your fancy karate gimmicks. We have guns.
V: No, what you have are bullets, and the hope that when your guns are empty I'm no longer be standing, because if I am you'll all be dead before you've reloaded.
Creedy: That's impossible. Kill him.
[the fingermen open fire on V, but he still stands after their clips are empty]
V: My turn.
[V proceeds to kill all fingermen with his knives before they manage to reload]
Creedy: [desperately shooting at the approaching V] Die! Die! Why won't you die?... Why won't you die?
V: Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof.


Peter Bretter - Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Truthful and funny by nature, i love Peter's character.

Brian: You gotta get your shit together, man.
Peter Bretter: I'm trying to. It's so hard here. Brian, everywhere I look I'm reminded of her, okay? Like, she got me this, okay because I would always leave my cereal boxes open, and the cereal would get stale, and so one day I came home, and she had this waiting for me, because it keeps my cereal fresh. And now I have the freshest cereal

Rachel Jansen: [on the phone] Peter
Peter Bretter: Sarah?
Rachel Jansen: No, Rachel Jansen from the front desk whats going on up there, we're getting calls about a woman crying hysterically
Peter Bretter: Yeah, y'know,I hear it too, it sounds like she's having a tough time, I think its coming from the floor above me
Rachel Jansen: You're on the top floor.
Peter Bretter: I'll try to keep it down.

Peter Bretter: [singing] Everybody hates you. Everybody wishes that you were dead. Peter you suck. Peter you suck. Peter your music is fucking terrible. Peter you suck, Peter you suck. You don't do anything of value. Peter you suck. Go write some music. But instead you sit and write these bullshit songs. It's so self-loathing. Go see a psychiatrist. I hate the psychiatrist. Go see one anyway.

Sarah Marshall: [Peter can't perform in bed] What's wrong with you?
Peter Bretter: Nothing is *wrong* with me.
Sarah Marshall: Okay...
Peter Bretter: Just something doesn't feel right.
Sarah Marshall: Okay, well did you, you know what? Did you drink today? Because sometimes when you drink...
Peter Bretter: Excuse me. No, I haven't had anything to drink today. Maybe the problem is that you broke my heart into a million pieces and so my cock doesn't want to be around you anymore! Okay? EVER! Because you know what I just realized? You're the goddamn devil!


Alyssa and Holden - Chasing Amy

I've watched this movie over and over and i admire both the characters.

Alyssa: Why are we stopping?
Holden: 'Cause I can't take this.
Alyssa: Can't take what?
Holden: I love you.
Alyssa: You love me?
Holden: I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the-the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is-is-is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't-I can't look into your eyes without feeling that-that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, 'cause I've never felt this way before, and I-I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know, I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. And all I ask, please, is that you just - you just not dismiss that, and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.

Alyssa: I remember those guys used to come over to my house almost everyday after school. They'd bug my sisters, look through my dad's closet for porno tapes, raid the fridge. They really took advantage of my parents never being home. This one day, Rick pulled his dick out and started chasing me around the house with it! Right in front of Cohee, man! I couldn't believe it!
Holden: Rick pulled his dick out? Really? What did you do?
Alyssa: [yells] I blew him while Cohee fucked me!
Holden: Excuse me?
Alyssa: That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? That's what this little cross-examination of yours is all about? God! Well, next time, try not to make it so obvious, alright? There's subtler ways of badgering a witness! Am I right?
Bystander: Jeez, man. Even I knew what you were getting at.
Alyssa: If you wanted some background information on me, Holden, all you had to do was ask. I would have gladly volunteered it. You didn't have to go playing Hercule-fucking-Poirot!
Bystander: [to his friend] I told you these were good seats!

Holden: They fuckin' used you!
Alyssa: No! I used them! You don't think I would've let it happen if I hadn't've wanted to? Do you? I was an experimental girl for Christ sake! Maybe you knew early on that your track was from point A to B, but unlike you I was not given a fucking map at birth, so I tried it all! That is until we, that's you and I, got together and suddenly I was sated!


This is all that comes to my mind for now. When i come across something new or get reminded of something old, i will update the post. Take care for now :)

"I Love You, Man"

I recently happened to see the movie, "I love you, man". Its about two guys. Their friendship. Very neatly illustrated. The best part is about how these two guys get together from nowhere. Its a guaranteed nice watch.

Movie aside.

Ever been there in your life, where your pal just dont find any better word and says, "I love you, man"?

I do have a bunch of friends, who am sure, love me for whatever I am. Nonetheless, i have this friend of mine, who happens to be my cousin. He is 2 years younger to me. He is someone who strongly believes in living for the moment of his life. At times, he has sent me messages in the middle of the night that will read, "I love you, machan".

I work in the night shift. I will be so damn occupied with work, like, there is no world other than those invoices, emails, accounts, monitors and citrix applications. This message will make me step out of that world for one moment. A smile will bloom on my face. Here is one soul who sincerely believes he loves me! He never asks me for anything other than some time i could spend with him. There aint a thing i haven't talked with him.

I recall those days i used to tell him stories about tomatoes and onions that traveled in planes and escaped bloody villains. What? Was i some 7 or 8 years old back then? Then we used to talk things that i myself would classify as un-parliamentary these days. Guess i was 12 or 13 by then. Then there were days he used to tell me where all he wandered with his new-found-girlfriend. He must have been around 17 at that time. Years rolled by. Now here we stand, understanding we are not playful boys anymore. May be in some years, we may need to raise our own boys!!! Goodness! However, the bond between us, hasn't changed a bit!

Just that we used to think, love is something that a guy has over a beautiful girl in his vicinity. Now that we strongly believe love is nothing but a sign of affection between souls, irrespective of gender, age, culture, relation, oh whatnot!!

How good is a love that was never returned?
Here you hear me loud my dear buddy, "I love you too!" :)

Now whats up with the "I heard that" story?

I was talking to one of my friend today. We were talking about a lot of things. She then told me what another friend of mine spoke to her about me. What the other friend talked was something very personal about me. Thats ok. Every person can talk anything under the sun to his/her friend.

However, what made me feel awkward is, i have never ever spoken a word with this person and for that matter i dont even recall seeing her at all. I just knew such a person existed. Second thing is, what she spoke about me is not completely true.

I know gossiping is a good hobby for some people. But dont they have any celebrity who they can talk about? I really couldnt make out any intention behind the talk. What does the person get out of this? No goddamn clue. I really care a flying fuck about gossipers. However i do care what my friend thinks about me when he/she hears something about me. Should I not be? I dont know!

This friend of mine didnt buy the story rather said it like, "you know what i just heard about you?"

In the last month or so, i have had too many of these, "I heard that..." stories and i am f'king fed up with them. If you were in my place, i bet thats how you'd feel. Imagine, half of them are utter lies. Half, altered truths. Some times some people buy the story and in turn sell me out.

If at all someone wants to leave me for what i have done in the past, I wish it better be something true about me. You know that way i can go to bed saying, thank God i am not that guy anymore.

It hurts when i try sleeping with that crying like feeling - "Oh dear, i never did that"

God's given us something more than acoustic nerves? Hasn't he?

When you come to me asking, "Athiq, i heard you did this. Now look straight in my eye and tell me the truth", could you not see the shame in my eyes if my reply is a lie? Could you not sense the struggle in my voice when i try to cover it all up?

Did God not give you that sense?

Reminds me of this kural,

"Epporul yaryaarvaaik kaetpinum apporul
Meypporul kanpa tharivu"

To discern the truth from whatever source it emanates is the true quality of wisdom

Thank God I am a human being!

Its my birthday today. Firstly, thanks to my mum and dad :)

Some time before the day could arrive i was talking to a friend of mine.

I told him that i really cant help avoid thinking how things changed so much in over a year. My voice went a bit low when i was telling him how uncontrollable tears some time start to water my eyes when i recall how it all used to be and how it is all now.

I wont be thinking about these things everyday, however, birthday can be an exception right?

Well, this is what he gotta say, "Athiq, you see what, when i look at you, i see a human being. I dont find much of human beings around me. I don't see a big man though. Just a boy, who is on the brink of turning into a man" (Oh goodness, i just completed 26 years and this guys still thinks i am a boy! Forgive him O' Lord :P )

He continued with a philosophical note, "If you feel like you failed in something, and it could be anything, the next time, just try with more efforts. You are sure to get it some time. But make sure your efforts are worth it"

Advice is so easy to give, man. Just like i used to give. Now that it comes back to me, i get a chance to see what it takes someone to follow my advices!

For i always used to believe in trying again. Just like Valluvar quotes,

"Deivathal agatheninum muyarchi than
mei varutha kooli tharum"

Lastly, i have a prayer for this special day.

"Oh dear God, bless me in earning and preserving the most precious of things in life, loving souls :).

Thank you!"

"Eat the ripe ones, Man"!

There is this thirukkural in tamil that talks about the choice of speaking good words over bad ones.

"Iniya ulavaaga innaadha kooral
Kani iruppa kaai kavarndhatru"

It compares words to fruits and asks why eat unripe fruits when you have ripe ones? Get it?

That's the only meaning of this kural that i know as i was taught.

Comma.

Now this morning i was talking to one of my friend and telling how things are shaping up better for me. How I am trying not to worry about the bad things around me that which i used to do 18/7. My friend put this question across to me,

"Athiq, does every other person in this world give you nothing but trouble?"

I muttered, "No, not everyone and not all the time"

Before i could finish, my friend said,

"Iniya ulavaaga innaadha kooral
Kani iruppa kaai kavarndhatru"

You have so many good people doing so many good things around you. Take them. Why do you eat unripe fruits? Not good for you!

While i took the kural in the literal perspective, my friend took in the contextual perspective.

A bunch o' fruits. Which one you eat matters!

Period.

Bunch O' Senses

This blog is a breath of fresh air.

God has made a beautiful world. Filled with so many nice things.

Whats more beautiful is in the eye of the on-looker.

Whats more loving is in the heart of the beloved one.

Is this life worth sitting and crying about unfulfilled expectations?

Well, now how good are we at meeting our own expectations?

What good are our eyes when it's stopped showing us beauty in this world?

What good is our smile when it aint genuine?

What good is our love when we dont show it to people who'd love it?

I asked myself these questions and now i am here looking to write something that is not just whining, say something that is not just disturbing, feel something that is not just heartache.

I start off with a warm smile :)

We have a Bunch O' Senses. How do we perceive them matters!